Channel 4′s Gok Wan’s latest TV series shows GOK using one of our classic sweetheart corset under his tartan ensemble. Whilst you cant see much of the corset in this outfit, its clear to the see the fabulous hourglass shape it gives the model
So, after visiting the Kiss Me Deadly stand at the Paris trade show, Sam asked me if we’d do a special feature window in the Lulu and Lush boutique for Valentines. If you go and look now it’s all black, white and red, with feathers (Morgana is banned from the shop for two weeks, due to an unfortunate feather allergy), dark red roses, poems and glittering diamonds. Well, ok, not real diamonds, that would be silly. But I promise they are very sparkly.
Anyway; much as we enjoy handling the series of deeply confused looking men coming into the shop, the rush of returns shortly after is so much less fun. Plus, I’m never one for taking things too seriously, and I truly loathe those soppy poems that come in cards. So if you look a bit more closely at those poems, they’re actually limericks. Yes, this year, we’re doing our gift guide with limericks, and we want you to join in!
After careful scientific research, otherwise known as asking people on Facebook, we’ve established several key problems areas that men face buying for women at Valentines.
There was a man tried to get the size right
Of a bra to wear valentines night
His lover caught him snooping,
Her language needed blooping,
And their relationship suffered a blight!
I have, on occasion, suggested that the best way to make sure the size is right, is not to walk into a shop, and say that your girlfriend is the same size as several of the staff members (all of whom are completely different sizes), but to look at the labels on what she already owns. Sadly, that can come across as a bit stalkerish; so maybe stick to only doing that for women you know really, really well. And live with.
Otherwise, here are a few key pointers:
Do not get something custom made without getting her measurements. You can’t return custom made items and if you get it wrong it will make your life very difficult.
The bras size is the most difficult thing, so if you can’t figure it out, stick to the more easily guess at Small- Extra large sized items, like suspender belts, teddies, and bralets.
For corsets, you’ll need to know whether they are used to them. A brand new corset wearer is much less likely to be able to take one that’s 6 inches smaller than their waist!
One size garments, on the other hand, are generally a dreadful idea. They generally don’t really fit anyone terribly well.
There was a young man from Hedley
Bought his wife gifts from Kiss Me Deadly
But when trying for fit,
She said this won’t work a bit,
A voucher would have had him blushing less redly!
Is Valentines really the time to start introducing your lover to something completely new, whether that be crotchless knickers or low cost sex toys? No. As with all gifts, it should be something about their tastes, not yours. So think about what they normally wear, and don’t go on a massive diversion. A minor tangent, maybe.
A man buying gifts for valentine
Can find themselves stepping on a land-mine
Avoid neon pink,
Or she’ll kick up a stink,
With her wardrobe you should be in line!
There was a fad for neon pink lingerie on the high street last year. It lasted about a month. If she didn’t buy one then, chances are high that she doesn’t want one. I exclude Barbie fanatics, certain types of club goers, and my little pony enthusiast women from this.
Red is a vexed issue. Bright red, which tends to be orange toned, seems to be something lots of men love. Lots of women don’t agree. So there are several shades of red in the window at the moment, and none of them are at the orange end of the spectrum.
Remember always to think,
Not all girls like to wear pink.
You may think sex means red,
But you could find yourself cut dead
So don’t just pick for your kink!
Last but not least . . . unless you do something very clever for a very sophisticated sense of humour, the chances of a comedy lingerie gift being appreciated if its the only or main part of your gift are pretty much zero. That’s because it looks like a daft, flyaway gesture without any effort put in.
There was a young man from Tunney
Thought Valentines gifts should be funny
His lover disagreed,
So now he is freed,
He really should have just spent more money!
Now for the fun bit. We want to test your writing skills, so:
Write your own valentines limerick
Post it on the net somewhere with a link back to here.
Comment on this post with a link to your limerick on our Facebook.
We’ll put the best in the window, and the very best will win a full set of the Kiss Me Deadly Red Jolie set plus the matching Lulu and Lush underbust corset. Anyone who writes one that makes me snort with laughter, I’ll probably send you a voucher.
If you want them in the window, try and keep it clean. Or you know, only just a little bit grubby.